Incomplete
by carlycarter
Summary: Addison/Naomi. Set after the whole 'nice shoes' encounter in the elevator.
1. Chapter 1

'**Incomplete'**

**Chapter 1 **

Addison takes a deep breath as she steps outside into the night air. She tells herself she is perfectly fine, everything is fine. Everything will be ok if she just takes a deep breath and pushes it all aside. Living in denial, that 's what she has committed to. She will be happy, strong, and in denial. It sounds great in theory. But it was proving to be easier said than done.

Addison knows she was cold with Namoi. The look on Naomi's face, shocked and wounded, had hurt. She knows Naomi is standing in that elevator, watching Addison walk away, and thinking to herself '_what - the - fuck?_'

Addison knows that Naomi is probably still standing there, trying to make sense of it. Still standing there wondering what she did to make big bad Addison talk to her so coldly. Addison knows Naomi will stand there bewildered for a moment longer. And then she will get angry. And then she will want answers.

Addison knows she has to pick up her pace. To stop standing about on the sidewalk breathing and denying, she has to get the hell out of there. Addison is almost running to reach her car, because it's raining now, and because sure enough she hears the footsteps behind her, and her best friends familiar voice calling her name.

"Addison. Wait." Naomi calls to her forcefully.

It's almost enough to make Addison stop. Everything in her wants to stop and turn around. Because walking away from Naomi still feels so wrong. Because some part of her wants to turn around and face her. Wants to tell her every deep dark thing plaguing her mind. Wants Naomi to embrace her, as Naomi always does, and make every bad dark painful thing fade away.

Addison knows she could forgive Naomi. Forgive her for leaving the practice; forgive her for just not caring about anything that was happening in Addison's life. Forgive all of it if Naomi was sorry. But Addison isn't sure that Naomi is sorry, isn't sure that Naomi even realises what she's done. Addison isn't sure this time that Naomi would understand. And Naomi's condemnation would crush her. Completely. Addison knows thing have gone too far. That the rift in their friendship is too great. And looking into Naomi's eyes and seeing all that would simply hurt too much, so much more than walking away. So Addison keeps on walking.

"Addison!" Naomi calls louder, angrier. And it makes Addison feel better somehow. It makes Addison angry too. It makes it possible for her to keep her eyes facing forward, her legs moving. Telling herself her car is just a few steps away. She is almost free. Asking herself why in the hell should she turn around now anyway? Naomi walked away from her, Naomi shut her out completely, Naomi didn't even notice when Addison was all but drowning in despair. Addison owes Naomi nothing. So Addison tells herself. But she still feels guilty as she reaches her car. Her hands are still shaking as she pulls her keys from her pocket.

Naomi is running now, realising Addison isn't going to turn around. Addison isn't going to give her any answers. And she grabs hold of Addison, spinning her around so they are standing face to face.

Addison knows Naomi can see straight through her, that Naomi has always seen. That's part of what hurts the most. Naomi must have seen. Could she really have no idea that Addison's heart has been broken into tiny millions of pieces?

There was a time Addison had wanted Naomi to see, needed her to see. But Naomi just didn't care anymore, Naomi had walked away. It was just too damn late now for all of this. So Addison hardens her gaze, Pushes aside all her pain, rejection, disappointment so that Naomi can't touch it. And with every ounce of righteous anger she can manage, Addison stares Naomi down.

"Yes, Naomi?" Addison forces herself to speak.

The sheer blind rage in Addison's eyes, the chilling venom in her voice, causes Naomi's breath to catch in her throat. It's enough to stop Naomi from pleading '_Addison please talk to me_.'

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Naomi wants to know. Her voice is shaking. She is trying to match Addison's cold tone, but she falls short. She is angry undoubtedly, at the way Addison is treating her. And she is confused. But there is underlying compassion in her words. It makes Addison feel sick. It makes Addison afraid. Afraid of what she isn't quite sure. Addison searches for words. There are none. She only forces herself to smile, to shake her head dismissively

"Well that isn't any of your concern anymore." She tells Naomi, who is still clinging to Addison's arm.

Naomi is standing speechless, and Addison knows Naomi is thinking '_Well fuck you then Addison_.' Addison knows that she has finally done it. Finally pissed Naomi off enough to get her to drop it. To give up.

But then why is Naomi still standing there, in the rain, clinging to Addison's arm tightly with no intention of letting go? Looking at Addison, deep inside Addison, searching for any sign of the friend she once knew? Now it's Addison who is confused.

Addison knows this isn't gonna end any place good. Knows she has to get away. She is lost for words, and afraid she might cry if she tries to speak. So she pushes Naomi aside with all her strength. But it's still raining, the ground is slippery, and she pushes Naomi away with more force than she intended, catching Naomi once again off guard.

Addison doesn't see what happens next. Only hears the thud as Naomi's head collides with the light post. Hears the soft cry from Naomi's lips. She turns around slowly to see Naomi's blood covered hand as she pulls it away from the back of her head.

Addison hadn't mean to hurt Naomi, hadn't meant to push her so hard into that light post to draw blood. And she feels guilt weigh down on her heavily. Addison takes a step towards Naomi, and finally Naomi sees in her friends eyes a sign of something familiar. A sign of concern, of repentance. Relief floods Naomi's eyes, because she thinks she has finally reached her friend. And it was worth the small price of a gash on her head. Addison reaches her shaking hand forward towards Naomi.

Before Addison has the chance to tell Naomi she is sorry, sorry for pushing her, sorry for shutting her out, sorry for treating her so coldly, Sam comes around that corner. At the sight of him, Addison pulls her hand away from Naomi.

It takes Sam a minute to see that Naomi is hurt, because neither Naomi nor Addison say a word to him. "What happened?" He is asking as he reaches his ex wife. But before Addison can hear the answer, she has got into her car and started the engine.

Addison thinks to herself that Sam is there now. Sam will take care of Naomi. It would have been pretty hypocritical of Addison to stick around as if she cared when she was the one who pushed her so hard into that light post. Addison thinks that maybe it will teach Naomi a lesson, to give up. That the Addison she knew is long gone, their friendship is long gone. They have both changed so much and there isn't any way back now.

"Addison!?" She hears her name again as she pulls away hastily from the kerb. But this time it isn't Naomi, it's Sam. This time Naomi doesn't try to stop her from walking away. Because, at last, Naomi has given up. And even though it's what she wanted, the realisation fills Addison with dread. Because life without Naomi in it is unimaginable. And it hits Addison like a tonne of bricks to realise that she is finally and truly, alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Addison forces herself to drink the glass of scotch, gagging as it burns her throat. If she just keeps drinking then sooner or later she will fall asleep and none of this will be able to touch her. She wonders why losing Naomi seems to hurt so much more than losing Noah. She wonders why either of them could hurt her at all, after all she is the one who pushed them both away in the first place.

Addison pours herself another drink,. If she just keeps drinking maybe she will find the answers. If she just keeps drinking then maybe she will stop caring about the answers.

And so Addison sits pathetically on her living room floor, drinking and looking back over her life, wondering if she ever had a life of her own. Her entire existence has been living on the fringe of other people's lives, other people's families. She spent her professional life putting other people back together, putting other peoples families together.

Addison couldn't even keep her one little marriage to Derek in tact, he had wasted no time choosing Meredith. And Addison couldn't say she blamed him. What did she really have to offer? She couldn't even give him children.

Then Addison had come here, to this new town, this new life. But it wasn't her life. It was Sam and Naomi's life, Sam and Naomi's practice. Addison had taken over Naomi's place in the practice, and driven Naomi out. And still, Addison hadn't found a place she belonged.

Then there was Noah. A man with a wife and a child. A man who already had a family, and once again Addison on the outside knowing she would never really belong to him. It was the story of her life, she belonged nowhere, and always ended up alone.

Sure she had money, sure she was a brilliant surgeon. Sure she had the respect of her colleagues, and the glory of the hundreds of lives she had saved along the way. But what meaning did that have? Addison is sick to her stomach of working so hard to fix other people's lives while her own life swirls around her in tatters. In that moment she realises, Maybe she just doesn't deserve to be happy?

Addison grips the empty glass in her hands, getting up to refill the glass would simply take too much effort, and so instead she contemplates throwing the glass at the wall. She picks it up, raising it high above her head, ready to throw it with all her strength, as if somehow this would make her feel better. But before she has the chance, the glass shatters in her hand.

Addison didn't realise how tightly she was holding that glass until the moment it shatters. Suddenly pieces of glass are falling all around her, and she can feel the blood trickling down her arm. She brings her hand in front of her face to survey the damage. But everything is blurry because she has had far too much to drink. All she can see is that her hand is bleeding. And as a doctor her natural instinct is to stop the bleeding. As a surgeon she knows she needs to do something, because her hands are her livelihood, and she can tell from the amount of blood that the cuts are deep.

And yet staring down at her hand is somehow comforting. More than drinking, more than taking it out on Naomi, watching her hand bleeding like that somehow makes her feel better. It hurts. A lot. And that pain is somehow a relief. That pain in somehow meaningful. It somehow dulls the intensity of her emotional pain. And so Addison sits, cradling her injured hand, silent tears falling down her face.

It is then Addison hears the knocking at her door. She surveys the scene, herself pathetically sitting on the living room floor in a pool of blood and broken glass, drunk and crying. It isn't a sight she needs for anyone else to see. And so she makes no sound, holding her breath, until the knocking stops and the person goes away.

But the knocking doesn't stop, it only grows more insistent. And finally Addison hears Naomi's voice "Addison, please, open the door."

Addison is convinced she is dreaming, because why would Naomi come here, why now? Just what is wrong with that woman? For weeks she walked around as if Addison didn't exist, as if she couldn't be bothered to get involved with Addison's problems, and now she won't leave Addison alone. Not even when Addison slams the door in her face time and time again, not even when Addison smashes her head into a light post and then drives away. Naomi keeps coming back for more? Why would she do that?

Naomi is still talking through the door "I know you're there Addison, I know you can hear me."

And then Addison starts to panic. Had she locked the door when she came in? She couldn't have Naomi see her like this. Not under any circumstances.

"I don't know what you want from me, Addison. But fine. If you want me to go, I'll go. But you know where to find me if you need me." Naomi says is a sad, defeated tone. And Addison waits to hear the sound of retreating footsteps. Addison wonders why Naomi is the one here knocking at her door after everything Addison has done to push her away. Wonders why Naomi doesn't sound angry as Addison pictured she would be. And Addison starts to realise that maybe she figured Naomi all wrong.

It takes every ounce of restraint Addison can muster to stay still and silent on that living room floor, not to call out to Naomi to come in. Just one word and Addison knows that Naomi would have come running. She doesn't quite understand it after everything that's happened, but in that moment she knows it with every fibre of her being. One word and Naomi would be here, pulling Addison into her arms and holding her tightly. Naomi would dry her tears and mop up the blood and somehow put everything back together again. And it is almost irresistible. But Addison reminds herself it is all an illusion. Naomi can't fix this now. No one can.

It's then Addison remembers that Naomi has a key. That is Naomi really wanted to come in she didn't have to stand begging and pleading on the doorstep. And Addison sends her best friend a silent challenge _'If you really want to come in Naomi, if you really want to be my friend again, then just come in.'_

But Naomi doesn't come in, and finally Addison hears the sound of footsteps retreating. And Addison closes her eyes, telling herself over and over again that she is relieved that Naomi is gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sam stands nervously lingering on the doorstep. Naomi all but pushed him kicking and screaming over to Addison's house.

"_I can't stop thinking about Violet." Naomi had said "About Cooper right there, at her door, not knowing anything was wrong. How he should have just gone inside." Naomi was becoming hysterical. _

"_Well, let yourself in then!" Sam replied. Knowing already that Naomi would not. _

For the same reason that Addison wouldn't confide in Naomi. The same reason Addison stood there, pouring her heart out to Sam at the office, when all Sam had to offer was '_Naomi would know what to say to you_.' The same reason Addison settled for those inadequate words.Reasons that he wasn't sure he would ever understand. Stubborn woman putting him in the middle of their bizarre squabbles.

You could have cut the air with a knife, the tension was that palpable when he had run into the two of them on the street corner. He looked on, confused, at Naomi's blood covered hand, the gash on her head.

"_It was an accident." _Naomi had quickly assured him. Sam didn't believe for a second that Addison would have intentionally pushed Naomi into that light post, no matter what they had been arguing about. Sam hadn't even asked what their fight was about. He didn't want to be involved.

And then Naomi begged him to go over and make sure Addison was ok.

"_She's been acting so strangely lately." _Naomi reminded him.

Naomi's insistence was relentless to the point that Sam began to get worried also. He had been the one to see the desperation in Addison's eyes earlier that day. And he wanted to help, truly he did, but what did Naomi expect him to do?

"_I really think it would sound better coming from you." Sam had protested._

"_What would?" Naomi asked him. _

"_Whatever it is you want me to say to her."_

"_I just want to make sure she's alright, Sam." _

And that's how he came to be standing on the doorstep, knocking hesitantly.

Addison didn't answer, Sam had not been expecting her to. Maybe Addison just wanted to be left alone? It's tempting to turn and walk away. But Naomi's warnings about Cooper and Violet ring in his head. If something terrible happened, he would never forgive himself. There would be no peace for him if he turned back now.

Feeling like an intruder, he checks the door. Locked. And glancing over his shoulder as if he were a criminal, he slips the key silently into the lock.

He calls out Addison's name, because he doesn't want to frighten her. The whole thing sits far too uncomfortably with him, and he has just decided that perhaps Addison isn't home. He is ready to turn and leave when he catches sight of her. Sitting on the floor, knees drawn to her chest, pool of broken glass surrounding her where she sits cradling blood stained hands.

His Dr self takes over, and he rushes towards her, sweeping aside the shards of glass and taking her injured hands in his own.

"Addison, what happened?" He asks her gently. He sees the half empty bottle of scotch, the glass, the cuts, the brokenness in her eyes, and he wonders if she had injured herself deliberately?

She looks to him briefly, before shaking her head, tears forming in her desperate eyes. And Sam knows better than to expect a reasonable answer from her. Once again, Sam doesn't know what to say. He can patch up her hand somewhat. But he's completely lost when it comes to meaningful and comforting conversation. Addison's silence makes him even more uncomfortable than when she had poured her heart out to him earlier at the surgery. His only solution to this problem, the way he sees it, is to tend to the wounds on her hand, and go get Naomi.

"These cuts are pretty deep, They might need sutures. You should have this checked out at the hospital" He suggests as he cleans and dresses the wounds, more to break the awkward silence than anything.

She shakes her head again wearily, but with fiery determination in her eyes.

Sam sighs in defeat. One doctor against another, he was not going to win that argument. And so he cleans and dresses the wounds to the best of his ability.

"Can you move your fingers?" He asks, wanting to ascertain that there hadn't been any major damage. She complies with his request, demonstrating that all her fingers are moving freely.

They sit in silence for a moment before he speaks her name.

"Addison?" He asks.

She looks up at him, making no reply, and Sam finds that he doesn't know how he was going to finish that question. Feeling out of his depth, he stands to his feet, intent on summoning Naomi to sort this thing out once and for all. Naomi would know what to say, what to do. Naomi wouldn't sit around helplessly in awkward silence.

As if Addison read his thoughts, she protests in a shaky voice "No."

"But I just thought..." Sam begins.

"No." She tells him again. "Sam, please, No."

He stands uncertainly for a moment.

"Thanks." She tells him as she motions to her bandaged hand. She takes a deep breath, trying to convince him that she is fine, that he need not worry. "Just go." She tells him. "Please."

Sam finds it near impossible to resist her pleading eyes. So, Naomi wasn't an option. But neither could he leave her all alone in a state like this.

Addison looks away, unable to tolerate the pity she senses radiating from Sam. She buries her head in her hands and closes her eyes as if that will make all of this mess simply disappear.

Sam sits back down, opposite her. He doesn't know what she wants him to say or to do. She wont let him do the thing he wants to do-get Naomi, and he cant do the one thing she has asked of him- to leave her alone. He has no words, doesn't even know where to begin. So he sits, silently. For what feels like the longest time.

When she lifts her head finally, resting her chin in her hands, Sam can't resist the urge to reach towards her. gently brushing her hair from falling across her eyes. He places the wayward strand behind her ears carefully, gently stroking her hair as he does so. At the tenderness of his touch, Addison can't prevent the tears spilling over. And she allows herself to be drawn into Sam's strong embrace.

As Naomi watches through the window, it's jealousy that stings her. Not because that's her ex husband tenderly touching another woman and she has any feelings for him. Not even because she thinks something is going on between Addison and Sam- though this may account for much of Addison's strange behaviour of late Naomi surmises in that moment. But it's something entirely different piercing through her heart.

Naomi fails to see the broken glass, the alcohol, the blood stains or bandages on Addison's hands. What she sees when she looks through that window, is her best friend sobbing inconsolably on _someone else's _shoulder. After all the times she had tried to reach Addison, tried to talk to her, all the times Addison had slammed the door in her face. And here Addison is, unburdening her soul to someone else just like that. Addison isn't running away from Sam or screaming at Sam to go away, or pushing Sam into a light post ,or or telling Sam coldly that he has nice shoes. Addison is just crying in his arms, spilling all her heartbreak to him. The rejection Naomi feels in that moment stings badly enough to blind her to the obvious pain her best friend is in. And once again, Naomi feels she has no choice but to turn and walk away.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4 **_

Sam busies himself cleaning up the broken glass. He finds himself thankful for the task to take his mind off his impulse to pull Addison into his arms and kiss her. He finds his words entirely inadequate. He longs for something to take away the obvious pain in her eyes. Sam knows that kissing her would solve nothing, aside from making himself feel better, making himself feel like he had achieved something constructive. He knows that kissing her wouldn't be fair. So he carries her upstairs and watches over her as she, exhausted, falls into a restless sleep. And then turns his attention to cleaning up the mess downstairs.

Sam has known Addison for a long time, and he doesn't remember ever seeing Addison so low. If Violet were not so off the planet herself, Sam may have been tempted to ask her for advice. And if there wasn't such obvious friction between Addison and Naomi, Sam would have called her hours ago and dumped the entire thing in her lap. But as it is, Sam is on his own. And, helpless to know what to do for Addison, he finishes cleaning the mess, and makes himself comfortable on the couch for the night.

~~...~~

Addison wakes the next morning, as she has done so many times after her life has fallen apart, and she finds the world still turning. She finds that people are still looking to her for answers, expecting great things from her as a doctor. She finds that she still has to keep on going, putting one foot in front of the other. But for the first time in her life, she is not sure that she can. She is not sure that she wants to. She knows it's a dangerous slippery slope into depression. And so she pushes her self pitying thoughts aside, refusing to give them space in her mind. Outside the waves are crashing against the shore, reminding her of just how small a part she really is in the entire universe. She finds the thought comforting, and manages to drag herself out of bed ready for work.

Sam is downstairs in her kitchen, preparing breakfast. The sight of him sends an odd shiver of panic through her. Had he stayed the night? Had they....? Her mind is foggy from far too much alcohol, and she is relieved beyond belief to glance over her shoulder and find that he has slept on the couch.

Sam seems surprised that she is ready for work, and tactfully suggests she might like to take the day off. The thought makes Addison cringe. What would she do all day long if she didn't have work? Sam relents, seeing the determination in her eyes, and lets the subject drop. Besides, at least at work he can keep an eye on her.

"I don't need you to take care of me Sam." Addison tells him, aware that her words sound somewhat harsh after he has gone to all the trouble of making breakfast for her, of staying the night to make sure she was alright.

"Ok." Sam nods, though he is far from convinced. And he thinks to himself that he has never seen her looking more vulnerable than in that moment.

Addison shakes her head wearily. She meant those words. It wasn't Sam that she needed to be here taking care of her. It wasn't Sam that she wanted. It was Naomi.

~~...~~

The two of them arrive late to the office. Addison is oblivious to the perplexed look they receive from Naomi as she spies them sneaking in late. Naomi couldn't help but notice that they arrived in the same car. It almost makes her jealous. Even though she tells herself that they are neighbours, that it makes sense to car pool. Even though she tells her self she is long over Sam. She realises with alarm that it's not Sam she is jealous for. Its the fact that Addison has shut her completely out of her life, that Addison has found someone new to confide in. And yet Naomi can't help the passing query in her mind- Did Sam even come home last night? Naomi fails to see the way Addison walks, a short distance ahead, completley oblivious to Sam, they are not touching, not talking. Naomi fails to see the bandages around Addison's hand, or the lifeless stare in her eyes. All she sees is her friend, her ex freind, who no longer appears to need her in the slightest.

During the morning meeting, Sam is discussing a recent problematic case. The others around the table offer their input. Friendly arguing and disagreements ensue. Addison can't focus on his words. It's as if time is moving slowly, as if time is moving backwards. To the point that it becomes unbearable to sit there a moment longer, pretending to participate, pretending to care. Without a word, Addison gets up from her place at the table, silently, gracefully, and just walks out. On the way past she mumbles something to Dell about cancelling her appointments. He replies in protest, but Addison can no longer hear him.

Addison feels like the air in this building is oppressive, she feels like she can't breathe. She tells herself that if she just makes it outside, everything will be better. She will be ok. Yet something pulls her to get off the elevator on the fourth floor. Something pulls her to Naomi's office. She lingers there, tracing her fingers over the name plate on the door, as if somehow longing to reconnect with her friend. Missing her. She strains her ears to hear her best friends voice on the other side of that closed door, talking casually on the phone to another colleague. Addison closes her eyes for a moment, and longs for the time that she would have walked straight into that office, uninvited, and poured her heart out to Naomi. And Naomi, as always, would have made everything seem ok, even thought Addison felt like the world was crumbling around her.

Addison reminds herself that she has no right to stand outside Naomi's door feeling bitter. She is the one who shut Naomi out. She turns then, walking away from Naomi's office, that closed door. Refusing to look back over her shoulder, Addison heads outside. She has no where to go, as she arrived at work in Sam's car. And so she begins walking, aimlessly. Enjoying the sense of freedom and anonymity as she passed by strangers in the street and not one of them looks twice at her.

It alarms her somewhat that she has no destination. She laughs aloud at that thought. Addison Montgomery, world renowned sureon. She could walk into a job in any city in this country. And yet she still has no place to call home.

Addison really thought she had found it this time. Found home. Somehwere she could escape all the heartache of the past and start again. And sure, she had good times here. But the good times never lasted. The heart break always caught up with her. On some level Addison had always known she was running from herself. She had always known it was futile. She kept making the same mistakes over and over. She would never learn. And there was no where to run to this time. There was simply no where to go.

She is startled out of her thoughts by the sound of her cell phone. She pulls it from her pocket to find that it's Sam ringing. She rejects the call instantly. She feels bad for a moment. She realises that he cares, that he is concerned, that he is trying to be a friend. But all she wants is to be alone with her thoughts. She has no desire to share her misery with well meaning others. So distracted is she by the phone call and her guilt at hanging up on Sam, that she fails to notice the car speeding towards her as she steps off the kerb to cross the street. Addison never saw it coming. Never lifted her head. All she heard was the screeching tyres, the deafening bang, and then everything went black.


End file.
